I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
