ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
