He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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