ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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