Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
