Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
