hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
