I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
