I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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