you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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