There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
