I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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