how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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