she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
