i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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