saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We're too hungover to prance.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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