Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
