I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dick very happy bro
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
