I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
