we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
