return my video game
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
