I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
