i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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