I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
