mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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