So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
