Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You can't just leave with hair like that
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
