i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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