My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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