that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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