i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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