i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
