and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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