Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
