WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
