my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
