that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
