you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
