I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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