just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
