; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
