There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
