Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
