Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sorry about my life...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
