Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to

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(606): View more from Kentucky

A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.

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(925): View more from California

He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.

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(415): View more from California

Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point

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(805): View more from California

We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l

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(718): View more from New York

Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad

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