Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
