my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
