I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize