How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
