At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Mom said you looked used
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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