Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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