Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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