its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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