I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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