Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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