you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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