I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
