Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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