I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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