my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
