...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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