need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just cropdusted the office
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
