She announced her abortion via fbk
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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