i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
