I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
