My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
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Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
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he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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