Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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