I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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