I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
