so that wasnt chicken after all
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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