When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
