Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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