They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
