Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
