My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
