You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
