ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
false alarm, still single
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
