at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
