hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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