don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
