Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
