May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
