A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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